There is exactly one week left in Winter Quarter (besides finals week, and I don’t really count that). School’s been really hectic lately since there’s a ton of stuff to be done this week – we have to finish an entire section in Latin, read all of Inferno and write a 10-12 page paper for medieval studies, and a 3 page paper for political science. I also have a dance recital a week from Monday, which is bad, because I have no idea what’s going on. Yeah. I’m that girl. At least I’m in the back?
I also haven’t been feeling the greatest lately. I’m exhausted all the time and I’ve had three gallbladder attacks in the last week. It took three months to get a doctors appointment to see what was going on – and all he said was, “Yep. It looks like either your galbladder or your pancreas. Let’s do some blood tests, get you an ultrasound, and I’ll see you within a month. And if you start looking a little yellow or green, make sure you get to the ER.”
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Lately, I’ve just wanted to write. I’ve just wanted to write down whatever I’m feeling and thinking and experiencing. I think that this is a good thing, that I don’t have that crazy terrible writer’s block that existed for so long. It’s exciting, because I can get to work on things that need to be worked on – this blog, Alerion, the three papers that I have to write this weekend, etc.
It’s made me wonder, though: why now? Why, all of a sudden, after so long, am I suddenly inspired? Maybe it’s because my grad school applications are done and in, maybe it’s because I can see the grass again and I’m happy that spring is coming, maybe it’s because creativity is a cyclical thing. Who knows. I’m pretty sure it’s not the grad school application option, because I’m starting to realize that it’s only more stressful once the applications are done and in and you’ve already received one rejection and haven’t heard a peep from the other five schools except for a friendly letter from one to tell you that they can’t find any of your supplemental materials. Yeah. I’ve been so worried sick over my future that I haven’t slept well in weeks and nothing even tastes good to me anymore. (ETA: well, I just got off the phone with the very friendly folks at CUA. They managed to find two of my letters and my GRE scores – but one letter is still missing. I wonder if he even sent it. I think I may just ask another professor to write it for me. But I definitely feel better – sometimes raising a fuss may actually pay off, I guess).
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